Don’t make decisions for each other.

Because I’m a middle child, my stubbornness can tend to flare up from time to time.  My stubbornness is part of what can make me a determined force to be reckoned with. It can also lead me to sarcastically reply “you don’t know me” when my family offers a too accurate opinion.  Yes, it’s usually said in jest and met with laughter, but nonetheless my stubbornness always lives right below the surface.

And it’s because of it, that something that drives me absolutely batty is when others make decisions for me.  Deciding what I can or can not handle.  Deciding to drip information to me instead of letting me process it all in my own way.  Luckily my household knows this about me, so it pretty rarely happens.

But I do see it happen too often with my clients and I see the impact it has on their relationships.

When one partner in a couple shares partial information for fear of how the other will react or tells them a curated version of the truth so as not to overwhelm the other, it typically turns out poorly.

You can’t make decisions for others and expect it to be ok.  In relationships, you make decisions together and give each other the continual opportunity to process it in a grounded way. Sure there are going to be feelings but that doesn’t mean you get to decide not to share it in hopes to mitigate the feelings. 

Don’t decide for each other what you can or can not handle.  You can get better at delivering hard truths.  And your partner can get better at taking space to regulate before responding to difficult communication.  But remember, the work comes from the practice, not in the withholding or avoiding.

I’m cheering for the two of you!

-A

P.S. Today is the last day to receive $50 off the Communication Masterclass with code: FALLINTOEACHOTHER.  Enroll now and work together to create a strong foundation to your communication.